Romance
A little romance - it never hurt anybody.
Its something that relationships need yet rarely thought about, or practiced. But it is so important, the lack of it is a sign that the relationship is getting stale, becoming taken for granted. I'm not talking about the giant - thousands of dollars present, or the bended-knee poetry - I'm talking about the little things, the things that show you are thinking of the other person, that you care. Whether your married for 50 years or just going together it doesn't matter.
Romance is very important - Billy Joel said in a song, "though you may not
have done anything, will that be a consolation when she's gone." and its so
true, it is very easy to let relationships drift along, everyone comfortable and
let the people just kind of take each other for granted, get comfortable with
each other and not think about it much. But then either one can get uncertain
about how the other feels or one can kind of stop paying attention to the other
and let the magic slip away or at least get tarnished a bit.
Some Ideas I have used
Presented here are some practical ideas, things I have done to try and keep the
spark alive. Don't feel like I am trying to preach or brag, I have made mistakes
in my marriage, really really big ones, but over the years I have really tried
to pay attention to my wife, tried to make her feel special, tried to do the
little things that can mean a lot.
Poems - if you have any talent at writing
poetry, write a love poem - even a funny one, if not - check out a book and look
for a nice one. The key is how its delivered, think of a romantic method of
giving it to her. I have secretly written one on 20 feet of her adding machine
tape so during the day it came out a bit at a time. I have placed it above her
sun visor in the car so it fell in her lap during the drive to work. I have
called her and rattled it off on the phone then hung up without ever saying my
name.
Other ideas, mail a piece at a time. Put it on something, like a cake or puzzle
or in her workout shoes. Spend a few minutes working on something she will like,
its time well spent and it should be fun as well.
Surprises - I love to surprise her, look
for things that don't cost a lot of money or are in bad taste, remember that
sex-oriented surprises are not romantic, surprising her by wearing no underwear
or cutting up all her underwear or making a plaster cast of your thing is not
romantic. Look for things that will make her laugh or smile. One morning I got
up early and filled her car to the roof with balloons, each one blown up and
then "I love you" written with a marker on them. She drove with them in the car
for days, laughing at the strange looks she got from other motorists. I drew
hearts on her side of the bathroom mirror with her lipstick, added a new one
every day for a week to keep it fresh.
One Valentines Day I cut out about 500 2 inch wide hearts from construction
paper and wrote messages on them and put them everywhere - bathroom, purse,
cereal box, car, underwear drawer, any place where she might encounter them
during the day. I've bought a bunch of cheap roses and tore them up to bits and
laid them under her covers so we really did sleep on a "bed of roses". Another
time I secretly arranged for the kids to stay at Mom's and booked a hotel,
dinner and show. Then I told her I would meet her after work for dinner and we
ended up at the show and staying at the hotel as a surprise.
On one of her birthdays I printed out a big heart graphic and wrote Happy
Birthday on a piece of paper..doesn't sound very romantic does it...its not, but
the presentation is how you can make her smile...I took it to the copiers and
made 1000 copies, then as I was leaving for work I deposited them all over the
floor in every room, I totally covered the carpet and chairs and table and
counter, just about everywhere...that's what made it special, I wish I had been
there to see her face, but I did hear her voice when she called.....and that
made it all worthwhile.
We just celebrated our 18th anniversary and due to scheduling we had gone on a
little trip (I surprised her) about a week before the actual date, calling that
our present to each other. Well I wanted to get her a little something for the
actual date as well, so I decided on a new flower vase and dozen roses. Pretty
standard gift, but once again, its all in the details. I opened the vase and
tied a red silk ribbon around it and stuck a couple of heart stickers on it. The
I gave it to her all wrapped up with the warning not to open it until the
appropriate time, "you'll now when its the right time". So she took it to work
unopened (a great conversation piece for the office). I then arranged for the
dozen roses to be delivered and the card said "Now its time"
with a small amount of work a fairly typical present became something memorable
and romantic.
One Valentines day I opted for a standard heart-shaped box of chocolates...nice
but not exactly memorable....but as usual its all in the details and the work
you put into it. For this time, I decided to build a bit of interest and stretch
it out a tad. I took 7 pictures of myself holding the box in some situation,
then wrote a silly love message on the back of each and presented them to her
each morning for a week before Valentines. The messages were things like
"I would brave the mightiest river for your love", "I would climb the highest
mountain for your love" and "I would brave a runaway train for your love" and
the big finale was me standing on my head in the driveway holding the box and
the caption read (of course) "I'm head-over-heels in love with you"...When the
box was finally delivered on Valentines itself, it was declared the "best
chocolates ever eaten". Total cost, one box of chocolates and an hour running
around to get the pictures taken.
I have posted some of the pictures on Flickr, you can see them
here.
By putting a little thought and extra effort into even a standard gift you can
make it memorable. On her last birthday I decided to give her flowers...a fairly
standard birthday present, but by adding a little extra something it can be
transformed into something romantic. Instead of a big bouquet of flowers, I
opted for having 6 small bouquets delivered, 3 in the morning and 3 in the
afternoon.. it was a bit more than a big bouquet but not much, and by the 3rd or
4th delivery she was laughing and thrilled...it made it really special for her.
Other ideas Remember, you don't have to spend a lot, just look for some way to make her smile and remember how much she feels for you:
* Record your voice on her computer
* make a dinner with a "heart" theme
* how about flowers - sounds old-fashioned but how long has it been since you
had a dozen roses delivered to her work so she can put them on her desk in front
of everyone.
Trips - trips are always good, especially if you have kids/family. Getting away for a romantic weekend is one of the great pleasures in life. The real key is to put some effort into it.
Let me describe the time I "kidnapped" my wife.
I secretly took a vacation day and called her boss and arranged a secret
half-day vacation for her. I then pretended to leave for work, but waited up the
street for her to leave. Then I went back home, packed suitcases and took the
kids to Mom's for the night. I called her and told her we were meeting for lunch
to go to a new place I knew of. Picking her up for lunch we drove for half an
hour before she got suspicious, then I gave her a card with her answers in it.
Answers to the obvious questions, "where are we going", "what about the kids",
"did you pack", etc. With her in her work clothes we drove to a romantic bed and
breakfast and spent the night. This worked out so much better than just deciding
to get away, the surprise meant the world to her - it had been a tough week at
work. Another time I arranged the hotel but didn't tell her where, so although
we got ready together it was still fun for her as she didn't know where we were
going.
Other ideas, look for fun things that don't cost a lot. The surprise is the
key, not only does it mean that the two of you can't argue about how much it
costs, but to see the joy in her face when she is surprised by a nice time is
well worth it. Try to think of different things, like a afternoon at the zoo, or
a bed/breakfast in midweek, a murder mystery dinner, surprise her with a trip to
Mom's, a weekender to the beach or a "special" spot you haven't thought of in
years.
Others Experiences and Ideas
Those are some things I have done and ideas. Hopefully I have sparked a
few people to take a look at how much romance they have in their lives. I would
love to hear
what romantic things you have done for your special person. Anything you send me
I will post here for others to see and appreciate. Below are my submissions so
far:
I am a female and so this could actually work both ways, when the guy I’m seeing
was in the hospital from a car accident I sent him a dozen red roses with one
silk rose in it and on the card I wrote "I’ll love you until the last petal
falls" well I have to say he still has that silk rose and we’re still happily
together...... NACOLE
I'm a female and I'm kinda a romantic type. I had a crush on my current
Boyfriend Marc. He was a jock loved by all girls and I was kinda popular. One
day me and him kinda had a fight over something stupid. I was playing football
with him, I was the hutter and he was the QB, I had taped a note on the ball
right before I hutted it. It said "Marc I will always love u, forever and ever
no matter how much we fight. Love always Mel." He came up to me and said he
loved me too. We've been together sharing our love for 3 years now! ....TANNKIDS
I remember for a birthday present I was working in Brisbane and she was in
Melbourne so I drove all the way to Melbourne without telling her and started
leaving little poems around her house (I borrowed the keys off her sister) with
rose petals dropped around each of them. I then went with her to work, in the
boot of her car. She always put her bag and any other files, etc she needed for
work the next day so she could just jump in and drive. So here I am in the boot
of her car, I'm lucky it's winter in Melbourne, with balloons, flowers and all
sorts. She gets to work in the city and parks her car goes for her stuff in the
boot and out I come! She decided not to go to work that day and we spent the
rest of the day living in the moment.....Al Gardner
When we first started dating, I would go out with my girlfriend quite often as
we always had....Tim was often satisfied to just stay home as usual and watch
TV. One night in particular, (a Friday or Saturday night) I was out at a bar
with a group of girlfriends, we were having a blast, dancing, laughing, and then
he crossed my mind. I called Tim to see if he wanted to come out dancing (which
he doesn't do I found out later) anyway to make a long story short, he said he
had a very bad headache, so after a nano second of hesitation I left my friends
telling them I would catch up later, drove (straight I might add, I don't drink
much at all ) the 20 minutes to his house, where I snuck downstairs, and started
massaging his temples and shoulders while he slept. Kissing his forehead and
pledging my feelings. He woke up and said it felt nice. I stayed on my knees on
the concrete floor for almost an hour rubbing his neck, shoulders and
temples.........Deanna
I was looking for a romantic way to propose to my girlfriend and here's how it
went. It took a lot of money and preparation, but to this day, people still talk
about it. She worked at the Gap, so I called her boss and cleared things first.
(Her boss also spread the word so there were people at the store that weren't
even working). So there she is about an hour into her shift and I pulled up out
front in a nice Lincoln limo. Stepped out in a tux with a dozen roses and walked
in and stood behind her until she turned around. When she did, she was a bit
startled, but the look was priceless. I took her hand and said, "I think you
deserve a day off" Her boss said "Go ahead" and smiled and laughed. Everybody
was cheering and clapping. We went out to the limo where I had laid out an
evening dress that she had been eyeing for a couple of weeks. We got in and
drove off to much applause. I tried to keep quiet about where we were going, but
she got it out of me. We were off to see Phantom of the Opera at the Panteges
Theatre in Toronto. We arrived in style, had a great time at the show, then went
to a nice hotel and spent the night. Then we took a train home......Mike
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